The meaning of life! Jaha!!

I am pretty sure I moved on from last month’s depression. No one came out victorious though…. The being that I call depression with its stupid grin and which is as black as coal got bored and left… (ya, I am not gonna call ‘boring depression away’ a win). The reason why I say I bored it, is because I have gotten stuck on other issues. See, the being called depression might be strong but it is also really fucking stupid. So when I started philosophizing (well there’s a fancy word… ) about the deeper meaning of life, and all the being of depression had to throw at me was ‘die, die, die’, it realized it couldn’t keep up with the conversation…. So it got bored and left. But alas, I fear it might just be out to buy some books and will be back shortly with new arsenal. It will up its game from ‘die, die, die’ to ‘to die or not die, that is the question’.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I have indeed been philosophizing about the deeper meaning of life. But alas, I am clueless. I have come to one conclusion though; coffee, water and hunger are not sufficient nor meaningful (although coming up with new ways to avoid hunger can be quite an interesting debate, I would not be able to call it meaningful….. my findings are not exactly something I should write on the internet… öy I would get bashed and banished forever). Of course, I could put a twist on it and claim that water is life… which is actually true…. Water equals life, right? With water, things grow. See, I drink a shitload of water every day. Am I growing? Am I alive? You would maybe argue that merely water does not make things grow…. Everything needs nutrients. I ate breakfast this morning… I did not grow. I would even claim my mind got stupider (hence the word stupider……..) because now I am left wondering if I could have cut those 200 calories down to 150 and if I should start exercising to burn off the extra 50 = stupid.

 No, these are not my philosophies on the meaning of life. These are the distractions I create. They are pointless and meaningless. Everything to avoid the fact that I need to make a drastic change in my life. I need to leave this place. I need to find God…… is there a God.

I need to find answers to the questions that I ignore. Fuck, there are so many of them. I am 36 fucking years old…. I am running out of time.

  • Am I stupid? (starving myself does not seem to support intelligence….)
  • Is happiness out there?
  • Can I survive on my own? (In an emotional philosophical way. Not a physical way… I would go kicking and screaming, stabbing and biting if anyone would try anything….)
  • Is there such a thing as the greater good? (then where the hell is it, cos I cannot see it…)
  • Is there such a thing as faith?
  • Can sex really be mind-blowing?
  • Would I be a good mother?
  • Does my mother love me?
  • Is the being that I call depression real or a fiction of my imagination?
  • Is it possible to get completely lost in a person and be completely in love for the rest of your life?
  • Is there a God?
  • And would He approve or send me to hell? (for the above mentioned mind-blowing sex….)
  • Is humanity still alive?
  • Am I part of humanity?
  • Is it possible for me to function in society? (I tend to want to punch people….)

Any input on the above-mentioned questions would be greatly appreciated…. I tried to google myself to some answers to no avail. And when I googled ‘Can sex really be mind-blowing?’ I got stuck in a completely different world, haha! With pictures and videos…. Holy fuck!


~ Becca ~


7 Comments Add yours

  1. Is happiness out there? – Nope, I think we should be content, that will bring us peace. Happiness like sadness is temporary. Being Content stays forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rob says:

    Well now, you have certainly put together quite a piece here, haven’t you? First of all, you have beat back depression from your doorstep with your attitude and your approach to life. Second of all, you have to do whatever it takes to give your body nourishment to have the energy to fight the daily fight! To your questions: No, you’re not stupid, you are fixating on an issue that needs to be rectified by just doing what it is you are not doing. No, happiness is not out there, it is inside of you. Yes, you can survive on your own, if you have to. You are never alone; therefore would you actually need to survive on your own? I do not know if there is a greater good. I do know that all I can control is me and how I act. If I can act good, then that’s good enough for me. 1,000 there is such a thing as faith. Faith in yourself, faith in God (higher power), faith in others. Yes, faith is real. Sex can be unreal, surreal, mind-blowing, ethereal, cosmic, and delirious! Yes, I am available for further consultation on this. You would absolutely be a phenomenal mother! You have an endless river of love flowing through you that just so happens to be a bit damned up right now. You are a survivor, you’re intelligent, your caring. Ya, please don’t ever doubt yourself on this. I don’t know your mother, but if I were a betting man is a resounding YES! Mothers can’t help but love their children. She obviously has a terrible time expressing herself. I would love for you to approach her on this when you go home. Your depression is real. We all get depressed. We all have periods in our lives that are sometimes bleak and seemingly hopeless. The key is that you have to have FAITH that a brighter day will come. Sometimes you have to fight it off. Sometimes you need medication lol. It is possible to get completely lost in someone and be in love for the rest of your life. However, I am not sure getting completely lost in someone is such a good idea. Moderation in the lost part, bring on the love for the rest of your life part! Yes, it IS possible. Yes, I believe there is a God. I am not sure what that exactly looks like. But we are all woven into this spiritual fabric that keeps our souls alive and laughing and feeling and crying and all the rest. It is impossible that that dies when the mortal coil is shed. I have read the bible several times, I happen to like a very important statement from it: The Kingdom of God is within…” Well, if you take religion LITERALLY, you have to be married before having sex, so technically you would be going to hell. There must be some sort of flexibility on this matter, hmmmmm. I do believe humanity is alive and well. Technically, humanity is the human race so, yes, it is still alive and therefore you are part of it. If you mean to be humane? Absolutely. I see it right here everyday with the volunteers who assist these paralyzed vets, with the love and kindness they show them. Yes, Bec, there is a whole world beyond the frozen tundra with good people living in it. That depends on your definition of society. You don’t have to go into a big city or something if that’s not what you want to do. There are many fine communities all over the world where you can still live as one with nature, and pop into town for supplies lol. Yes, Bec, you can thrive in society if you have to.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Rebecca says:

      Thank you for your detailed input Rob, its greatly appreciated. I will have to give it some more thought and come up with my own answers! Which will, of course, lead to more questions….


  3. Reblogged this on raynotbradbury and commented:
    1. There’re NO extra calories in those 200
    2. You are stupid. Yes. But it’s normal. Nothing to worry about…
    3. My mum says: “a woman always survive on her own. Man? That’s a big question.”
    4. Happiness is never “out”, but “in-side” 🙂
    5. Food? Go to Sicily. Or Greece. Or Crete. Swedes can’t cook. Worst pizza ever is here lol
    6. Without faith – no life.
    7. Mind-Blowing Sex? Mmm, not when you are 36 yo and up. Maybe after 36years of celibate…
    8. Do you Want to be a Mother? If yes – then the answer is yes.
    9. Parents loves us. But I’ve met many who doesn’t care to love because simply they don’t know what love is and they doesn’t love themselves.
    10. Depression is real only if you see it as real.
    11. Lost in a person? Only if you still wanna be depressed and count calories.
    12. God is Everything. God isn’t a dude on the sky tho. God is just a “name” for the life around us.
    13. There’s No Hell.
    14. Humanity is alive. It is still in balance. You are a part of it.
    15. You can perfectly function in society. We all want to ‘punch’, but love, kindness and understanding always wins…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You’ve received some awesome replies here Becca.
    I dont know much, but what I DO know, is that we are always looking at life and it’s events through our own lenses. What I see or feel, will be completely different to what YOU see or feel in any given situation. When you look at a tree for e.g. Did you know, that simply by your sight, you create the tree? and so it is the same with everything.
    God is within and in everything around us. and, yes, there is no Hell, except for the Hell we experience here on Earth, if we’re depressed, or suffer from any other mental illness, or invisible illness. This Earth could be Heaven too. Depends on what you see and feel through your own lens.
    My motto is fairly simple: Take what is needed to get you through.
    Don’t imagine ‘conspiracy’ shit about anything.
    Don’t watch the News, the world IS fucked, why put yourself through more trauma?
    never judge or condemn anyone, ever. Everybody, unless they are evil, is simply doing the best that they can with the tools that they have, in any given moment.
    You are not experiencing life through their feelings or lenses.
    x x x oh, it’s ok to feel lost and sad…allow these feelings to pass like clouds in the Sky, and let the rest sort itself out.
    The ONLY given FACT in life, is that we will ALL die one day.
    So, in knowing this, you don’t have to do a thing, except, one day, die! and hopefully, that’ll be out of your control.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Oh wauw 😊. I really appreciate your input! It’s so interesting to hear others view on life… People that are not in my circle and who have lived a different life!

      Liked by 1 person

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