Eating & depression.

I think I might have actually beaten this depression… dare I say that I am hopeful?

I have had a few good days in a row now! Well, today is a day of mixed feelings but it is still early and I have decided it will be mainly good. It’s my friends birthday toady! So shoutout to my friend who will never read this blog; Happy Birthday!! She has been my friend since I was ten years old….. she knows most of my secrets.

But I am still not eating like normal.

As I am writing this, I have not eaten anything in 22 hours. And I do not know why. I do get hungry at times… but if ya wait long enough, it passes šŸ™‚ Or drink enough water… or take some vitamins. Drink more coffee….. I understand I can not keep doing this.

I use to be normal.

But now that this depression seems to have passed, I am more sure than ever…. I do not want to be here. I want to leave. Where does one find the courage to do so? With all of the shit you can find on ebay, no one seems to sell some courage.

I am not staying. And people can no longer make me stay. But that of course brings me to this question; so where should I go?

 

~ Becca ~

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48 Comments Add yours

  1. Rob says:

    What can I say about this eating situation except please, find some way to get yourself the sustenance you need! I’m so happy your depression is lifting! And as far as your other situation, you don’t need to buy courage lol. It’s right inside you where it belongs. You mentioned you have family in Canada, is that an option? I forget where else you said. But go and get the life you so richly deserve! I’m behind you 100%šŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Yes family in Canada and some other countries as well šŸ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Herbert Uba says:

    You worry me much. I don’t even know what to say to you. I once read this one book called Emotional Intelligence; it helped me keep my depression at bay for a long time until just recently. The depressive episodes came back again so i’m not sure I am eligible to say anything to you. Well, maybe except that it helps me much when I keep some things constant. It’s like negative reinforcement. Let’s distrust our bodies and inclinations and treat ourselves like second parties. It’s a beautiful thing yours was just a fleeting episode. Be self compassionate and helping still so that you don’t circle back to the same point.

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  3. You need to eat girl, if you don’t like eating try a supplement or a protein shake.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Haha, everyone keeps telling me that…. šŸ™‚ I ate breakfast today! Yeah….

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You saying: “if I’m waiting…then the hunger passes” …but why to wait? The reason to wait? If u can just eat something yummy!!!šŸ˜‹šŸ˜‹šŸ˜‹

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      I ate breakfast today šŸ™‚ I was as proud as a peacock!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No life without breakfasts!! Well done :))

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You can’t move all ur life…choose ur next place wisely. Lots luck ur way!!!! :))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      I dont really mind moving though…. always a fresh start. New people and relationships to screw up. And then its off to the next haha!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, sure…but I don’t think it would be the same fun after 50 -60 lol at least not for me :))

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Rebecca says:

          Do you ever think of moving away from Sweden?

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Mmm, yep. Warmer place šŸ™‚ lol too long-too dark winter here, u know. 6 month of coldness isn’t fun..

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Rebecca says:

              Ya… I have been giving it a lot of thought. 6 Months without grass is just simply not good for my soul.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Yep. Very difficult. Especially in that kinda Antarctica u r right now…no way! Brrrrr!!! Here’s already greener & sunny ā˜€ļø:))

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Rebecca says:

                  We still have about 50 cm of snow…… ya… yuck

                  Like

          2. But I think I’d like even live 6 month in Sweden (April – Sept/October), and 6 month in other home (warm country)…but it’s too expensive. Maybe later.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Rebecca says:

              Ha ya. No I dont think I would want that! Home as to be …. well, home!

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Yes, but it would be winter home & summer home. šŸ˜¬šŸ˜¬šŸ‘‹šŸ˜ Otherwise I have to move to the warmer country, but not toooo hot.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Rebecca says:

                  Just anything not too hot and not too cold…. and not too wet, dont want rain. Ok…. not much choice!

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Lol I don’t know…can u name me this ammmmaaaziiinnngg country? :/ šŸ™‚ maybe Sicily but it’s hot at least 1,5-2 month I guess.. mmm, Spain?
                    Rain is “no” for me too…especially under longer time. Hm

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. Rebecca says:

                      Does such a place exist…? California? would have to do some research!

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. California is a nice place. But depends where in California tho…mmm, but you should think about it. If I could – I would. But I’m too old for such changes lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    3. Rebecca says:

                      Too old?? Weren’t you like younger than 40 or something?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    4. I’ll be 39 this year. But California is nothing for us from EU. We r allowed to live there only 3 month in a year …(if I remember rules well).
                      How u’ll get a permit there to live more than 3 months? Mmm, only if you’ll get a job first…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    5. Rebecca says:

                      Really?? 3 months isn’t long enough…. And you are only 2 years older than me šŸ˜€

                      Liked by 1 person

                    6. Lol yes I been in 2014 there…& then I wanted to stay (long rent) & the rules for EU citizens (who doesn’t have a job there) – only 3 months stay.
                      So that’s why the first thing u should do – try to find a job if u want to move to California.
                      I’m too old for all that. I have no plans to work hard. I love to be at home & take care about my dogs. I’m a homie..haha
                      And my work is from home.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    7. In cali u have to move when u r 20 lol…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    8. Rebecca says:

                      Haha ya ok….. but people are usually still too stupid at that age….

                      Liked by 1 person

                    9. Yep, true…but when we r smarter – we have less chances :/

                      Liked by 1 person

              2. Would be interesting to know where u’ll find it – ur “Home” :)) …āœŒļøšŸŒžšŸ‘‹

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Rebecca says:

                  Ya I would also be interested in that answer lol!

                  Like

              3. My mum is leaving tomorrow afternoon:) so hopefully I’ll get back to the writing (not only eating lol) this Wednesday haha šŸ˜‚

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Rebecca says:

                  Haha I’ve been missing your blog post! They always cheer me up!! But I still like your mum, she is badass lol!!

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Maybe…she’s very different from me. (Gosh, I guess I’m not a badass! Aaaaaa!!!!)
                    Most disturbing thing: there’s no freedom when she’s around. And I love my freedom & I hate pressure. I never press ppl around me.
                    She loves to decide everything. I even send SMS to my mum all my life each day every three hours lol #control is everywhere Im stepping lol

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. Rebecca says:

                      We have already covered previously that you are indeed a badass…. you would beat the crap out of the voice I my head that tells me not to at lol!
                      I mean she a mom after all…. aren’t we like forever obliged to do what our mums tell us to do?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. I’m not sure about my badass-ness :))) when my mum is around :))

                      Liked by 1 person

                    3. Rebecca says:

                      Haha then she takes over…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    4. She’s still saying that I’m a rebel and that I’m never listening what she’s saying lol
                      And I’m always kinda…all ears & listening :)) #ormaybenot lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    5. Rebecca says:

                      Haha that is too funny!

                      Like

                    6. Yeah…we do what mums tells us :))

                      Liked by 1 person

                  2. All my life = I mean all the time from the moment I moved out

                    Liked by 1 person

  6. newhonesty says:

    Damn this post hit close to home! Iā€™m linking to it in my latest post, hope thats okay šŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Thank you for the link šŸ˜Š. Definitely ok!

      Liked by 1 person

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