So I showed you my sandwich from this morning. It took me an hour but I did eventually eat it. All 275 calories. And surprise surprise, I even ate dinner (somewhat….) . I counted my dinner to be around the 400 calories so that makes a grand total of a whopping 675 calories!
An adult woman needs about 2000 calories in a day… I still have some to go. BUT my stomach has now gotten use to no food. After the 400 calorie dinner I felt sick. My stomach has been rumbling like crazy but….. I did not throw up.
Emotionally…. It’s like I have a limited amount of space in my mind to process. I had filled up a big chunk of this space with hunger and controlling this hunger. I ate… so…. there was empty space in my mind. It filled up rather quickly with thoughts and feelings that I do not know how to handle. A part of me wishes I had not eaten. Another part of me knows I need to confront these emotions that I keep on ignoring.
The flashbacks are back. More vivid. I feel his hands on places that they shouldn’t be. I want to run. I’m good at running.
~ Becca ~