Smack in the middle of depression.

I can not just see it nearby.

It has not just made contact.

It is right in front of me staring me in the face and holding me down by the arms.

I always see depression as a being. Black as coal with a shiny white grin. An evil grin. And right now it is standing right in front me, its face 2 cm from mine. It has no eyes but it sees me -it sees everything of me, about me, in me. It is slightly taller than me and it has his hands on my upper arms. It is holding them tightly against my body.

I cant go forward, it wont let me.

I cant go backwards, it’s holding me down.

I try to make a fancy move and zigzag around but it trips me.

So what is one to do? I have decided today. I am going to head-butt it. I decided to tell someone (yes, you, my secret blog) just in case I do not make it out alive. At least you know I went down fighting!!!

I need to get my funk back…. my mojo. I need to try and find a way to eat. I need to break these bad habits. I need some focus.Β I fully understand this dark being called depression will never leave me. But I would like it at a safe distance,Β let’s sayΒ 1 km would do. I think my angels are closer than that.

So dear readers. I am preparing for an epic battles -yet again. I’ll let you know how it goes.

~ Becca ~

Grabbed Frame 8 (2)

 

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40 Comments Add yours

  1. Janet says:

    Oh man. I hope you make it out, and I hope you eat! I was going to say that maybe you need more sunshine, but if that photo was taken recently- looks like there is a little light shining through. I know lack of sun puts me in the dumps. Add some snow and I’m a goner for sure. Maybe you need a little getaway. Love you. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      The sun was out yesterday morning. I have not seen it today…. But there are three squirrels running around on my porch πŸ˜€ That definitely lifts the mood! I have found my bible and will be trying to find some balance today. I’ll get there. Love you too Janet! Thank you for always being there.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Janet says:

        I love squirrels! Maybe take some pics πŸ˜™

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Rebecca says:

          I’ll try πŸ™‚

          Liked by 1 person

  2. yassy says:

    Is that you? Cool! Kick ass that depression! πŸ€“

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Ya that’s me πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Singledust says:

    need a shield maiden? though I look fragile on the outside I am strong inside. i like the black and white photo of you here, framed beautifully against nature.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      I love nature. A cure for most! And a shield might be an excellent idea!! Oh, and sword….. everything gets better with a sword.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Singledust says:

        Agreed! on the nature. The sword might be a bit heavy for me, with the shield in hand an all, but I am good with a sharp knife.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Rebecca says:

          Oh a sharp knife would also do! It looks badass πŸ™‚

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Singledust says:

            did you know in the Sikh culture all men and women carry a small curved knife on them, tucked into their clothing. It’s connected to their lifeblood. I think that is pretty awesome. Yes a girl with a knife and knowing how to use it, very badass!

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Rebecca says:

              Actually, where I live people have knives hanging from their belts… so do I πŸ™‚ Nothing fancy like being connected to my bloodline though πŸ™‚

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Singledust says:

                In Asia, everything has a purpose but also a spiritual connection, nothing is ever as it seems. I suppose living closer to nature that would be very handy and helpful to have hanging from your belt.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Rebecca says:

                  That is what I love about Asian culture. There is thought behind everything. They seem so in tune with themselves.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Singledust says:

                    It is very much like that here. Life is sacred but must be sacrificed for the greater good if needed. So in knowing its very temporary, it is lived with vigour. From the food to the colours we use. Everything has a significance.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. Rebecca says:

                      Exactly! It is admirable!

                      Liked by 1 person

  4. You will win, no worries! 50% is already done by understanding ‘where you are’ and what kind of problems u r facing πŸ™‚ cool text by the way.. I like the writing style :))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Thanks! I’ll get there. Knife in hand.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sounds dangerous, but maybe Kalashnikov better? πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Rebecca says:

          Kalashnikov would be faster anyways πŸ˜€

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Is it you on the pic? u look like a hunter :))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Yepp, me. When I was out fishing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Fisherwoman πŸ‘‹πŸ˜πŸŒžβ˜•οΈ cool

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Rebecca says:

          I love fishing! Serene. One with nature. I think that is also affecting my mood…. everything is covered in ice so no fishing.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I love sitting and eating fish 🐟 soup … I think this is my mission lololol

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Rebecca says:

              Good mission Ray. Lol!! I have never eaten fish soup. Ever. I like tomato soup.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. I love tomato too.. fresh fish broth is yummy πŸ˜‹ tho!! :)) we usually cook at once on the place after fishing (the old fashion way)

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Rebecca says:

                  Jaha. I like smoking the fish. Fresh smoked perch with tunnbrΓΆd πŸ™‚

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Yes yummy too :)) πŸ‘‹πŸ˜

                    Liked by 1 person

  6. Rob says:

    Yes, this is the warrior woman spirit! Taking on challenges head on will most certainly out you in a position for strength and eventual victory. I am so glad to hear that you are rising to the challenge rather than sticking your head in the sand and cowering in the face of adversity

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Trying at least. Now I just need to start eating.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Rob says:

        You know what has to be done. You know why it has to be donr, and you know how it can be done. So now believe it can be done. When you believe strongly enough about something, anything really, then the can do it part becomes very easy. Never say can’t, because then, you will.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Rebecca says:

          Everything you say is true. And yet I dont eat. Something is missing.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Rob says:

            You may not be eating, but you sure are feasting on some pain. Put the fork down Bec, the answer is right in front of you.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Rebecca says:

              What is right in front of me is a scary-ass black being staring me down.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Rob says:

                Expose it and challenge it and put it down. It’s not real. It’s a figment of your imagination. Most people run. Stop making it larger than it is. Write it doen, then burn it in the fireplace. Write it all and burn the motherfucker to ashes

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Rebecca says:

                  That is what I am trying to do……

                  Liked by 1 person

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