I think it is officially classified as a depression now.

So close… so freakin close, I almost got away with it.

I am not in a depression, I can just see it nearby.

Depression has now made contact with me…. Or I have made contact with depression, I don’t know. I feel its hand on my shoulder. I see its fingers. If it weren’t so black I could maybe have pretended it was someone I love rubbing my back. But it isn’t. It has made contact and I am not sure if there is any going back.  

The black hole inside of me, sucked in the depression. In my lost state, I was franticly looking around everywhere for something of comfort. I knew I shouldn’t have looked over my right shoulder… I was trying to look at the beautiful but I failed – once again at life. This ‘being’ is the only one that responded to my screams. It spoke to me. So I looked. And now I am fucked – not in a good way.

 I knew I shouldn’t have looked over my right shoulder. Now I might be in a depression, it is not just nearby. 

I wonder if I run really really really fast… like the Flash, if I could outrun this strange black being with its bright white smile that is called depression. But depression usually comes with laziness, an extreme inability to move…. so I guess running really really really fast… like the Flash, is out of the question.

 

~ Becca ~

Advertisements

21 Comments Add yours

  1. We need the Flash in our lives!!!! Aaaaaa!!! Preferably in FLESH hahaha

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Rebecca says:

      Oh wauw best comment EVER!! Great minds think alike!!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Mindfump says:

    Maybe you could become invisible, so it can’t find you. You can be lazy with an inability to move when you’re invisible. Not as dumb as I look…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Rebecca says:

      Oh wauw, mr Mindfump with another smart move!! Invisible…..

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Rob says:

    I still insist Thor is the mightiest. Shadows go away. This is temporary. The light will shine again. Your photography is wonderful. You have such a good eye! You have such light, love, humor, beauty in you. Darkness doesn’t have a chance in a soul like yours. Keep reaching for the sun

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      Haha, but Thor cant run fast….. and he would just break the ropes.
      Thank you for your kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Rob says:

        Don’t forget, he has a hammer that he can pulverize things with and that when thrown, comes back to him. He can also summon Zeus’s awesome thunder. He would just confront it head on and defeat it. I am not a proponent of running. Because, wherever you go, there you are.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Rebecca says:

          Ok then, I will keep Thor in mind.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Rob says:

            That’s my nickname in the car business, because I used to hammer people into submission to buy lol. But I never lied and always took excellent care of my clients. But God help you if you landed at my desk! No is not generally found in my vocabulary

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Rebecca says:

              Jaha. I have never had to buy a car. Other people have always done that for me. Which is probably good, I would just go in and say that I want a purple one.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Rob says:

                We’ll paint it for you. Inside too? lol

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Rebecca says:

                  Inside should be yellow.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Rob says:

                    You never told me your favorite m&m color. Purple outside yellow inside. You’ve lost your mind woman. But I aim to please!

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. Rebecca says:

                      Yes I did, in the e-mail I sent you. Yes, my mind is indeed lost but it feels kinda good! And aim to please…. yes, I read you know a thing or two about that 😉

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. Rob says:

                      I sent you an email

                      Liked by 1 person

  4. *Yes, the Flash, my favourite superhero!*
    This was a beautiful piece. Wishing you the best. Hope it’s temporary.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rebecca says:

      I hope so too! I am trying to use humor as a medicin, instead of anti-depressives. We’ll see how it goes 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Catacosmosis says:

    You’re not a failure – depression is not something we succeed or fail at. I have come to a place for myself where I imagine that for some people who have never seen or been touched by it it’s like Bigfoot – a mythical creature to be doubted. These are the people who constantly tell me to change my perspective or to move on or to just get over it. It doesn’t work that way. We can’t hide from or avoid it, either. To those of us who have seen it and lived with it, especially those who have walked with it for most of their lives, it’s just another creature in the woods to battle and protect ourselves from at some level, but also something we can only truly heal if we accept it for what it is and allow it to be whatever it is for us. If we’re still alive, we haven’t failed. We may not necessarily have succeeded either, from some points of view it may be something we never “beat.” But I personally feel like if I have managed to make it another day, that’s a success no one but me has the right to judge – and I do judge it as a success. I love how you’ve expressed yourself, that you HAVE expressed yourself, here. Keep going, whatever that means for you. You matter. Much love. ❤️💙

    Like

    1. Rebecca says:

      Wauw. You have explained it so well. I have suffered from depression since the age of 11 and have fought many battles. I truly believe we are stronger people than the ones who have never seen depression. But for us – one loss, might result in death. We are truly fighting for our lives – every time. It gets so tiring.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s