Our snow is back! Yeah.
We got at least 30 cm during the night and it is suppose to snow all day today. My mood, my thoughts are always more positive when it has snowed. You know how the snow always covers all the crap that is underneath? I think it does that with my dark thoughts as well. They get subdued.
So today I feel fun. I feel free. When I walk through an open field covered in snow, I can imagine that I am the first to ever be there. Maybe even the only person out there. Which would mean that the bastards that haunt me, the bitches that cheat me, the ‘men’ that fucked me, they are all gone. Covered beneath this beautiful blanket of snow. I can walk on top of them. I can tramp on them. I have control.
Of course…………. That does make me terrified for spring. Can you imagine all of the shit that is gonna come out?? So I will have my fun now. For spring I might not survive.
I did not sleep well, again. My mind wonders when I can not sleep. It usually goes to poetry…. The dirty kind. But if I don’t get up to write it down, it is gone by the morning. As is what I had in my head yesterday night. I have fragments of it left.
I do realize how bitter I sound. I am hoping that by writing this blog it will get better. I need some peace. Until then I decide who I fuck.
~ Becca ~